Hello there ladies and gentlemen ( yes all -10 of you), i see you have stumbled upon my inaugural post and as such are witnessing drastically insignificant history. So where do we begin ? Howabout an prolouge/pre-amble to the future blog posts? Sound good? No? Well then leave, go back to your ideas of Duck Scanning equipment or yelling about vegemites roll in deforestation.
" my wife is on the floor convulsing, i am checking wedmd and for some reason your dime a dozen blog showed up. What do i do? I'm going to giver her bennadryl, that should slow her OH GOD SHE IS BLEEDING OUT OF HER TEAR DUCTS!"
Yes, the Conflicted deist is mostly a place where i spill out the random philosophical tripe i muster up on a daily basis. I find it funny since historically i have been opposed to blogs or Weblogs in general. I guess i see it as an open forum where any asshole thinks they are going to be the next Nietchze , Camus, or CS lewis. Plus almost all of these damn sites are just excuses for people to publically say " OH GOD LOOK AT HOW FUCKING SMART I AM, I AM TOTALLY FISH HOOKING YOUR BRAIN WITH MY VERACITY."
I guess the excuse i give myself is that " Well, i am different, i constantly remind myself that my observations and beliefs are hardly a model for the whole world to follow. I mean i am a human, i could be wronger than that group of people who think that 9/11 is some wackadoodle scheme to give rise to a war on terror, thus increasing military/social/ state affair spending, putting us into a horrible economic crisis ( that other governments and secret societies are part of) in order to organize a take over of Jewish Lizard people. And even if i did believe that i would still remind myself " maybe i am dead fucking wrong, after all they used to give heroin to pregnant mothers, and tons of people genuinely and innoccently believe it was helpful, so maybe i am in the same category"
"OH GOD SOMETHING IS CARVING RUNIC SYMBOLS INTO HER, HER LEFT EYE IS COVERED IN ANCIENT SUMERIAN SCRIPT AS WELL!"
The left wing pisses me off, the right wing pisses me off. What really pisses me off is peoples willingness to be die hard loyal to a simplistic belief regardless of histories reflection and out of the sheer need to feel "right". We all do it, i suppose i am doing it right now even,. But again i am being honest with myself.
"MI NOMINE ET BAPHOMET, SONO PRO SATANA, SEMPER TYRANNUS"
Well i am a chrisitan/jew. I say i am both because christians are jews who think Yhwh jehova was Jesus Christ. I am a jew because i attend a synagouge and identify best with Reform Judaisms take on the Faith/religion i practice. Basically they encourage you to question god and what his plans are or what he thinks regardless of Scripture. And best of all you are to celebrate your religion, to celebrate god. They don't expect you to sit there , pine over and beg for forgiveness. They celebrate their religion. That is what i like the most about them.
"CURSED NAZARENE YOUR PAIN ON THE CROSS IS BUT A SPLINTER COMPARED TO THE AGONY OF MY FATHER. "
I guess my over all view on religion is this. An atheist friend of mine brought up an argument once. " Why do you follow christianity or any of the other jewish/christian religions yet constantly bemoan the rules? I don't think you really like being religious, you just do it out of fear, and you are just being an insincere jackass really. Given the fact that all it is doing is making you miserable is grounds enough to ditch your faith. After all do you honestly think that what you believe is even correct? Don't you see that even though you are bemoaning god that you are still largely unaffected physically? There is no god dude, and i think that you secretly believe that"
He was right, he was dead on right. I spent weeks, months, years even contemplating that. I had already been an atheist before, but i eventually ditched it and became a run of the mill christian. By the time my friend put up his argument on my faith i still considered myself christian , and took great offense to his smugness. But again i wasn't being totally honest with myself, and was doing more what i thought was expected by me. That is not to say what is expected by fellow christians, it is to say that i expected myself to adhere to a sheet of criteria, because that is what i thought was right. It was the same reason i left atheism, it was the same reason i gave up on politics . Yet again i found myself without faith in god and to make it worse i had no faith in science as well. Everyone from my angle looked like a liar and conspirator for whatever flavor of belief they had, be it atheist or deist in nature. But something hit me really hard. I wanted to believe that there was and is a god. That he isn't just an ancient coping mechanism. I also wanted to believe that god did not exist, so that when i die i would not face judgement or becuase religion was being abused by corrupt people. I thought i had to choose between the two regardless of consequence and i thought that by believing in one i couldn't be the other.I chose agnosticism and its many forms. It was the best explanation to me. While i was going through this meltdown i realized something. "perhaps the reason i do not believe in religion is because i have not been looking at it scientifically"
That one thought alone restored my faith in science and god. I saw that the world around me would always have an equal chance of being gods creation as much as the universe being the size of a marble before explosion. I realized that if i can be a scientist, then so can god. I saw that god was not non existant; just merely hard to find and that it may be deeper than that. I found my faith again in science and god. I am so glad i was an atheist, because now i can see the world in its purest form, Scientifically and spiritually. To date i have never found a reason to lose faith in either science or religion. I accept it for what it is and for what it may be. This all came crashing into my brain in a matter of mere seconds. My friend said " dude ian, you ok? sorry if i was harsh, i was just offering my view on what your problems may be. You know i am still friends with you regardless of your belief right?"
I said " yeah, i do. You know you are right about me. It pisses me off becuase it is such a generic set of criteria, but it is still profoundly true. I can't deny that without lieing. " a few seconds passed by and i said. " you are also wrong. Yes you are right about me but you are wrong about my faith. You are wrong because i am given the choice to believe, and by questioning my creator in the manner you say i do i find myself closer to god. When i see an error in his ways, or an error in my ways i am reminded that i am given the best gifts of all, beyond heavenly treasures and scientific enlightenment.
i guess this is the best way to say it: Oh how wonderful it is lord, that you have imbued me with free will. How wonderful it is that you imbued me with the ability to see and understand the world around me, on the smallest of levels. How wonderful it is for me to be able to question you and not be damned eternally for lack of faith. How wonderful it is for me to defy you, to disregard you, to believe you do not exist. For it is in my denial and my defiance that i find you , It is my thirst for knowledge that allows me to understand you. You say that i am a god myself, and you have lain before me the tools and knowledge to replicate your actions. Thank you god, for i now know that you have given me the ability to find truth in all that is around me. As my science grows so does my knowledge of you."
"She's dead, she is fucking dead, i never even got to OH GOD SHE DIED IN NUCLEAR WASTE, AND OH FUCK SHE IS TURING INTO A TORNADO GET THE FU"
i LOVE heavy metal.
